Post-Hospitalization x 2

As many of you are well aware, I’ve just completed round two of my inpatient DHE treatments for migraine headaches. While many are quick to judge, as I was back in the day, before my concussion, that migraines are a baby’s way out of taking care of responsibilities, hmph… Let me just tell you that is first and foremost just not true.

Imagine yourself feeling like all is well, maybe not so well, as you have responsibilities to conquer and life to handle, but you got this… I digress, imagine yourself in your same situation with your head in a vice, a tuning fork that never lets up providing nothing but a shrilling sound in your ears, and half your face feeing numb to the point that you are worried you might be having a stroke. That’s a migraine folks. That is those of us who aren’t just trying to get out of our life’s responsibilities. It’s like we are dogs and someone is sounding the dog whistle incessantly.

It’s the constant fear that life is never going to be the same again, as we struggle with the fact that this is going to keep coming back, no matter how many trips we take to the ER. It’s the fear that, even if we are admitted, they won’t find a “cure” and we will be sent home with a “let’s try this” that we know won’t do anything. When you have concluded that the one and only medication that might help me is one that affects my bone marrow and might cause Leukemia when I have a family history of Leukemia, then I have a big decision to make, and you’re telling me there aren’t any other options out there?

There is a big part of me that wants to give up. There is another big part of me that wants to keep trying and wants to move forward and keep living life as best I can. Can I just say for once that there are some of us who live out our life’s struggles in the lime light while there are others who keep our struggles bottled up inside? Success means nothing unless you overcome your struggles, but it does hurt when no one recognizes that fact.

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